Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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