i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
