The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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