idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you inspire me to be a worse person
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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