I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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