I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
