went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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