Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
