Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
