I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
wow bdsm is so cute
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
