strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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