i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
