Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
