he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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