just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
