Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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