Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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