sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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