you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
