All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
