We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
