My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
