Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
