Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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