my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
