Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
