Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
