if you like me you must not know who I am
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
