We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
