in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
