She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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