Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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