he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
