Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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