you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
