I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
