I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
soo... how was my night?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
