Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
