hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she woke up with a sticky ear
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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