It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
