what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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