WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
