you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
