SEEEEXXX PLEASE
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You left your phone here
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