you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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