The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
