its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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