walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Randomize
