i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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