so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it was like his penis was on wheels.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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