PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
