This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
