i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
