too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
