So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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