i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize