I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
