I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
