There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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