umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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