She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
