..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
