Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
