whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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