Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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