He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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