If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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