my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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