I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
