Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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