I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize