he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
